And yes... if everyone else jumped off a building.. i would too. :P j/k hehe I'd never get that close to a ledge. I'm afraid of heights!

1. Go to www.photobucket.com (don’t sign in)
2. Type in your answer to the question in the search box.
3. Use only the first page to look for the appropriate answer.
4. Copy the HTML and paste under the question for the answer.

1. What’s your name?


2. Relationship status?


3. Favourite colour?


4. What are you listening to right now?


5. Favourite movie?


6. Where is your dream vacation?


7. What’s your favourite dessert?


8. One word to describe yourself…


9. Your eye colour is…


10. The last book you read…


11. Night or day?


12. Oranges or apples?


13. Chocolate or vanilla?

I couldn't resist this one LOL

Labels: treats

Finally Noam has made hair for the girlies. YAY The little bow is friggin adorable with menu driven texture change to get the right pattern for your outfit. The thing i love most about this hair is the bangs. Noam did a great job swooping them to the side and making the overall hair messy and (I hope it's ok that I say this without upsetting Noam in any way haha) emoish. :P But since it's past my bedtime, i'll say just one more thing.... GO GET IT! It is located at Gritty Kitty's main store in Koreshan. OH and (so much more for just one more thing huh) it comes in streaked multicolors too so be sure to check those out as well. now for reals... im done :P

Labels: hair, shopping

I cant resist. There's one of the most awesomestestest boots coming out soon over at Sinistyle and I figured i'd wet your palette a lil showing them off to you. I generally cringe when people show sneak peeks at items that are not yet released but in this case.. I cant help it. Word on the streets... and by streets i mean SL.. and by word I mean directly from the creators pixel lips... that there is a plain version without buckles as well and they are just as sexy as these. But... im a buckle girl so naturally i flocked to these moreso than the others.

These boots are named Deception and are beautifully sculpted sleek leather boots with the chunky heel and sole. I really cant seem to bring out the details in the pictures but lemme tell you.. they're hot!! No word as to when exactly they will be out, but they will be worth the wait I can promise you that. :)

So yea... that concludes my teasing. I shall now crawl back into the hole from whence I came. or something like that. haha

Labels: shopping

Well it's been 3 weeks now down this long seemingly endless battle to figure out what the heck went wrong to where my body felt the need to transform into an anxiety carrying insomniac. Things still are not back to normal but I have seen improvement in them.. just not as much as I had hoped. So just gonna sum up where I am now and where I have been since my last post. But before I do that.. I just wanna tell all of you who took the time to read and to leave encouraging words and stories from your life how appreciative I am to know I'm not alone and there are other people who have overcome a lot of these things.

So here's a generalized list of things I've done.

1. Got Educated

As much as I hate reading.. I've been taking this 'Attacking Anxiety and Depression' 15 week course. It made me understand exactly what Anxiety was and the effects it can have on someone. It also made me realize that depression comes generally hand in hand with anxiety. I'm on lesson 4 now and I feel the tips it's given me and the general knowledge about what it is and how to overcome it on a daily basis. I'm happy to say.. my anxiety level has gone down significantly. In the beginning I was having panic/anxiety attacks every hour or so and now it's just occasionally. (mostly at night where my battles still continue)


2. Got Talking

Last week I spoke with a general therapist in a short introductory session (since it was all I could afford) and we spoke about things going on in my life. My family, my relationships and who I saw myself and what I wanted for myself. She told me a few things that I kinda felt she was gonna say but I didn't want to hear. Basically told me to eliminate anything I can that is causing me stress to buckle down and rebuild myself from the ground up instead of putting out little fires here and there. Most of them I can handle but I'm really having a hard time with doing what she suggests on one certain aspect. I know in the long run it should be done to get my life back on track.. but I don't think I am emotionally capable or strong enough to deal with it yet. Apparently there are things that our subconscious thinks that we are not aware of and until I step in and eliminate that stress.. the subconscious will never be clear. She feels the stress and guilt that I carry (tho repressed to subconsciousness) maybe the underlying factor in my anxiety attacks and my insomnia. She mentioned hormones too but I really have no idea how to control those. LOL


3. Got to Sleeping (NOT)

This all leads me to my root issue at this present time. Sleeping. I just cant seem to do it without the aid of my sleeping pill and even that I'm not supposed to take too much. I have attempted three nights in a row after taking Ambien for a week straight and each night .. no matter how tired and exhausted I was.. I was unable to fall asleep. Friday night I didn't get to sleep till about 4:30am. (when going to bed around midnight) Saturday night.. I didn't get to sleep till around the same time. Sunday night went to bed around 11pm... I fell in and out of sleep (never a deep sleep) off and on through the night .. did mostly that stage of sleep where I feel like I'm asleep.. but I hear everything around me.


4. Got Techniques (which.. don't work either)

I've been trying different methods to get myself to fall asleep. None which work unfortunately without that brilliant sleeping pill. I've tried to learn to knit... I've purchased a few books to read (which generally puts me to sleep prior to all this cuz I hate reading and the eye movement tires me out).. I've tried putting on a boring movie.. I've tried the warm shower before bed (which I think woke me up more than put me into a sleepy state).. I tried getting sleepy music (which sometimes helps but not often).. I've tried the "Sleepy Time Tea".. which only upset my stomach. I refuse to drink alcohol or anything unnatural tho. I find myself just laying on my pillow with my eyes closed just waiting and waiting to fall asleep. Seems when I do fall asleep.. usually around 4-5am *rolls eyes* I have to be laying on my back propping my upper body up slightly. Then I wake up with a stiff neck and back pains cuz I can't sleep on my back.


What my plans for the future include:

- Trying not to rely on Ambien

- Trying to talk myself into saying it's ok if I don't get a lot of sleep.. I can function still (just not too many nights in a row)

- Trying to find better ways to relax my body enough to get to sleep

- HOPEFULLY SLEEPING!

Improvements I've noticed:

- I'm eating more. My nerves were so crazed i wasn't eating and dropped 10 lbs.

- Less Anxiety attacks.

- Times I DO fall asleep on my own.. I can sleep a solid 4-5 hours opposed to before only sleeping 2 then waking up.

- I can control my anxiety better when I feel that first few pulse races

So with all that said ... I'm glad I got it all out in the blog as a way of getting my thoughts down. If anyone has suggestions.. I'm entirely open to it. Thanks for listening everyone and to all my friends who have been there to listen to me whine ... I'm very thankful to have you. I know there's nothing you can say that will fix my situations.. but just knowing you're there to listen is one of the biggest helps you could do. I feel talking about things helps me cuz i tend to keep things bottled up inside. So just know... you're totally adored and cherished and I hope one day I can return the favor threefold should anything arise in your lives.

Labels: personal, tantrums

This month has flown by so fast for me and I feel like I never really had a chance to get into that Holiday spirit like I normally do. But... Krius and I were at least able to manage to make a holiday card together. This card was meant to be like a comic book. We wanted to script our card to throw a snowball at the reader when the card opened.. but ... our supply of scripters is limited so just pretend. haha

So happy holidays to each and every one of you. Hope it's been a great one and next year is even better.

*hugs to all*

Labels: personal

** BEGIN UPDATE **

I went and visited my doctor today and she prescribed me some sleeping pill called Ambien that should help me get some sleep and work off some anxiety in the process. Tho I'm kinda scared to take something that I know will knock me out. I mean I'm sure it's safe.. but there's always that thought... what if i don't wake up??? or how will i feel in the morning?? Will I become addicted?? what happens when i don't take it?? Will it all come back?? I'm realizing now im very pessimistic about things lol

** END UPDATE **



Hai guys! This is more of a post to get off my chest and hopefully if someone out there has gone through some of these experiences... can offer some words of advice.

First let me start off with a short background history. Since I was around 5, I've had a few small cases of night terrors that woke me up out of my sleep leaving me feeling terrified (not exactly sure of why) and alone. Even if my mom and my brother were just down the hall... I felt like I was the only one awake in the world and that always scared the bejeezus outta me. Usually took me waking up my mom and then her calming me down enough to go back to sleep. Nothing major but they occasionally sparked up as I've grown.

This past Sunday night, I had another. Not really a HUGE deal... just walked around a lighted hallway and then was able to shake the scared feeling and get back to bed and fall asleep till morning.

Monday, the next night.. worst night I've experienced ever. I fell asleep just fine.. but about 30 minutes later.. I woke up and was in more fear than ever and couldn't shake it AT ALL. I tried watching TV to get my mind off it.. I tried going down to my couch to sleep... NOTHING was shaking the feelings I was having. Then all of a sudden I felt my chest tighten up as my heart raced and I started to sweat. Now this was new and I really didnt know how to handle it and the fear of not only the night terror.. but having this anxiety attack and not knowing what to do really put me over the edge. I couldn't sleep the rest of the night.

Tuesday, I called in sick to work since I was NOT in the right frame of mind to be working and experienced my first bout of never truly waking up out of my terror mode. I felt scared and anxious all day. I didn't want to even be in my house because I felt the anxiety tense me up. I tried to spend some time out of the house and taking walks (even tho it was really cold out). The closer night came, the worse I felt because I dreaded it happening again. I was a rack of crazy nerves. So all the worrying kept my chest all tightened up and my stomach in knots. I've not really eaten a full meal since Monday night before that attack happened. Since then I've had maybe a total of 5 bites of each meal before I felt full or sick to my stomach. So that night of sleep wasn't at all any better. Granted the fear wasn't there as much.. but I seem to now be experiencing a bout of insomnia. As tired as I have been.. I cant seem to fall asleep and stay asleep.

Wednesday came and when did wake out of what sleep I was able to manage outta the long night.. I awoke with that fear of being alone again. I immediately got up to get my mind off of it and got ready to go to work so I wouldn't have to be home again when it seems my anxiety builds there. Of course at this point I feel like a zombie just dragging along with little sleep and food. No emotion other than worry and sadness for the most part. I tried to busy myself at work as best I could under the circumstances. Naturally... as night came... the worry began to increase no matter how hard I tried to distract myself. I took a quick hot shower to hopefully help since I was a little scared of locking myself in a bathroom.. and I drank a cup of some chamomile tea. Took about an hour to fall asleep at first.. but woke up and low and behold... took about 2-3 hours to fall back asleep again. I've had to cover the clock so I wouldn't worry about how much time has passed so I don't know how much sleep I was able to muster up. but in that 2-3 hours of me trying to fall asleep.. I tried to concentrate on my breathing or heart rate and notice my heart was racing. Trying some breathing techniques I researched the net on, I felt failure at getting it down so I sat up for a little bit and put a movie on trying to get my mind off it and get my heart rate down. it helped a little.. I felt myself drift off into a sleep. probably not a deep sleep but something is better than nothing. I woke up a few times in between. Still... cant eat much at all and feel like the living dead. I miss feeling happy and alive.

I know thats a lot of reading... but if anyones followed along to this point and have any comments suggestions on anxiety or panic attacks.. i'd LOVE to hear them. So far all the help i've been given.. hasn't worked very well for me.

Labels: personal, tantrums

Hey guys! I dont normally do a lot of these contest things.. but there's a photoshop contest i entered into that i would REALLY appreciate if you could take the time to vote. You have to register to vote but it's free and takes 2 seconds.. and who doesnt ever have the need for a stock site. :P Anyhooters....

my piece is located here: http://www.crestock.com/blog/design/contest2007/entry.aspx?id=5721

Anyways... i'd REALLY REALLY appreciate it!! (insert little begging icon here)

Labels: treats